08/02 for today

the barb in the arrow of childhood suffering is this:  its intense loneliness, its intense ignorance.

oh, if i could only go back knowing what i know today.  i’d be a different person.  this isn’t how life works though.  how it works is that my heart aches and breaks for that little girl i was, the little girl i still am.  i’m grateful for my ability to adapt, grateful for my willingness to sort out all this ancient stuff that keeps me down.  there is no easy way to get past all that crap, pulling out the arrow tears at my flesh… and though it heals, it scars.

today, i’m okay with scars.  i can tattoo something pretty over them or fill the cracks in with gold.  it all works as progress, as long as the arrow comes out.  it takes time to tear it all down so that it might be built up again, built better… built to code.

for today, i know that lonely is a feeling that passes, especially when i have so many hands available to hold on to.  for today, i am thankful that ignorance no longer blankets me, i have knowledge, intellect and options… for today, i’m grateful that the HP of my understanding grants me serenity so that i’m able to accept the heartbreaking history of my life and accept those things in my life today that i have no control over – namely, outcomes and other people.  for today i am more often willing to be brave, breaking free of old patterns of behavior, to listen to that still small voice of my best, highest self and to act on and honor my intuition

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~ by ghyllee mahree on 2015/08/02.

One Response to “08/02 for today”

  1. This post is written as though you looked through a window of my heart and transcribed my feelings into words. Thank you for sharing this with me.

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