07/30 for today

“nothing on earth consumes a man more quickly than the passion of resentment” ~ nietzche

for me, resentment all too often goes hand in hand with denial; denial of my needs & wants, denial of my ideas & opinions, denial of my pain & discomfort. it is all right – it is human – to experience all of those feelings & sensations, so why do i feel the need to pretend they don’t exist – avoiding and burying them like some dirty secret? do i deny myself to make other people feel better? is my self-esteem so low that i ‘belong’ below others? or is it about keeping the peace, not making waves? maybe a little bit of all or some depending on the circumstance. the truth is, most of my resentment comes from blame and the need for some sort of karmic justice. the circumstances surrounding all of this are historical, banked embers that wear at my resolve to be a better person, all too often flaming to life to continue their damaging burn.

it is important for me to remember that it is all right to feel resentment – to an extent. i am human after all and it is a human emotion. what isn’t all right is burying such passionate feelings, denying their existence at all, running from the power of them. because all too often the method of such escapism is to use food (or alcohol, etc) to stuff down, to cover up, to hide from, to anesthetize. and all such ‘escapes’ are damaging to my health and well-being on so many levels.

for today, i’m grateful for a design for living that allows me to feel feelings without fear of them or judgement for them. for today, i accept the events of my life that brought me to this moment, a time and place where i don’t have to deny my feelings, my needs or my pain. today i forgo escape and denial for respectful acknowledgement. for today, i will not fan the damaging flames of resentment, but embrace a life of healing and recovering.

~ by ghyllee mahree on 2015/07/30.