07/23 for today

“if what i feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on earth.” ~ Abe Lincoln

feelings are part of the human condition, they’re a tool for us to understand (sometimes) what might be going on with us – they’re a symptom. good or bad, feelings are meant to be felt. whether physical or emotional we’re meant to feel ’em, sort ’em out if possible, and go on with our lives. that’s how nature made us to work. nature does not call for pain killers in order to escape feelings. distracting ourselves from feeling anything does nothing in the way of sorting ’em out so they are still there, days, months, years later, clogging up the works.

now i have years worth of feels to sort through and sort out, to purge or to deal with. and it takes a whole lot more time to do it now that they are all in a tangled mess. when i deal with my feelings straight on in the moment i’m experiencing them, then they don’t get added to an internal jumble, they don’t get added to the mess i created with excess alcohol, food, sex… name the drug of choice and i’ve used it to distract and escape from feeling anything.
when in truth, i have no need to fear the feelings. they either get sorted out or they run their course, either way they pass – usually in a short time. i don’t have to fear being crippled by feeling mad or sad or anxious or unsure. what cripples me is burying these feelings, stuffing them down until there are so many of them spilling out and over that it takes more and more time and effort to cover them.

a great many people have feelings similar to mine and they manage to get through days without crippling themselves. a great many people use their time more effectively. a great many people actually live their lives instead of running from it. and a great many people live to tell…

for today, i accept that i am – and allow myself to be – a sensitive person. for today i will allow myself to feel the feelings that arise, turning to the HP of my understanding to fight the fear, using the tools available to me that support my capabilities to feel and not fear. heck, fear is okay too, as long as i ride it out and don’t run from it, knowing it will pass by or through me, what ever is needed. for today i will not hobble myself on my life’s journey, i will exchange fearful for feel-ful, with out shame or thought of any repercussions but for growth and healing and progress.

and for today, i won’t use the excuse of perfection to fear progress.

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~ by ghyllee mahree on 2015/07/23.

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