the fruit of (self) friendship

Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit. ~ Aristotle

Let it ripen, slow and steady into a fullness that is sure to be tasty and succulent.

I have chosen at least one person to be friends with and was able to make that happen. Other than that, friendship is a touchy subject with me. I moved around so much as a teen and felt so isolated that friends were not easily made even if i wanted to.

And when i do make them, they seem to be willing to leave me, as everyone else has. My abandonment issues are big, even when i logically can see reasons for absence, internally it feels like I’ve been left. again.

My saving grace, i think , is not minding being alone. i like my alone time now, i crave it even. The only drawback to alone time is that i often get lost in it, get lost in my private addictions.

Then, productive time is wasted. So the good intentions i have when desiring to be alone are shot to hell. So i need to work on this – using my alone time more productively, more creatively. This is the way to feeling better about myself. I need to listen to that still small voice as it nudges me toward these better choices. That higher self knows what is best for me I need to trust that, and let her guide me to the Jill i crave to be.

I need to be my own best friend then. Letting the positive experiences of listening to my higher self build upon each other until there is a relationship there like the ones i even in other people’s lives. It is possible if i foster it, and tend it, and let it happen.

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~ by ghyllee mahree on 2014/10/18.

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