the habit of prayer… or what ever.

this mornings writing meditation is on prayer.

“Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees” ~ Victor Hugo

i have a bad attitude about prayer these days… it reeks of christianity and my past waste of time believing in that fantasy. so i can’t seem to call it that, when i’m thinking good thoughts for someone’s need or ailment, projecting positive energy toward them, or imagining them surrounded in a white light like a sack of protection or an embrace. i can’t name this kind of action and thought process prayer. i am such a stickler for definitions. it really is a stumbling block.

but even when i did pray back then, it got to be less of a supplication toward some unknown entity and more of a conversation with the still small voice embedded deep in my own brain. i got to see that less as a god outside myself than seeing it as my own best self. i think that is why it was so easy to latch onto Dr Judy’s idea of a compassionate adviser. i’ve already met her. i miss these conversations, i got a lot of stuff worked out that way, both the big stuff and the minuscule. the best self got to be easy access and i lived with her intimately.

the poor dear thing, i see her caught up and crushed under a tumble of rocks. that collapse of my long held foundation took her right out of the picture. i think it’s time i worked on pulling those rocks off, one by one, to unbury that connection. my best self, my compassionate adviser, it doesn’t matter what i call her, she has my best interest in mind always and loves me with out judgement, and nurtures my fragile humanity to a fuller potential.

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~ by ghyllee mahree on 2014/10/15.

2 Responses to “the habit of prayer… or what ever.”

  1. I like Dr. Judy’s idea of a compassionate adviser too.

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