Promises, promises (30 days of writing – day 7)

#writeyourselfalive

I’m having difficulty today with my writing. Getting started with an idea or prompt, or even if I should be creative or introspective. At this point I just want to get fifteen minutes of something down. Will it be something to spur growth or self-awareness? I’m thinking not. Not today. Just to sit here toiling – yes toiling – over the keys is a chore. How do I expect to ever write a novel if I can’t even spew out a few thoughts to meet a silly committeemen? But it’s not a silly commitment, no commitment is. So while the 30 day thing may not be life or death, or worth money, or have a big reward at the end, it is a promise of sorts. And I don’t make promises.

So, now I realize I was scammed into making a promise. Promises are made to be broken, right. Take me at my word or don’t, but I don’t promise. Because promisers can be liars, too. Perjuring themselves all over someone’s trust. I don’t want to be a part of that, on either end. And yet I am, all too often. Just because I don’t lay a heavy cloak of promise on doesn’t mean when I say something, I shouldn’t stand behind it, follow through on it. Do I mean what I say or don’t I?

I suppose I do mean it when I say it, or I wouldn’t say it. I’m not even great at white lies so, yeah… But I’m fickle. This I know about myself, I am so changeable that what I mean today, I may not mean a month from now, sometimes sooner. And is it just me changing my mind or is it changed based on new information that I’ve somehow received? I’ll say the latter, since I can’t fathom being an absolute flip flopper.

So anyway, I said I would do this 30 day thing and so I will. Obviously, not perfectly because it’s nearly 5 pm in the afternoon, but something will be written or typed every day even if I have to wring it out of my shriveled brain with my bare hands.

Speaking of which, I’m feeling wrung out and in need of a wash up.

~ fini

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~ by ghyllee mahree on 2014/08/07.

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