between the known & the unknown…

there are doors!

i picked the doorway card AGAIN ! that makes for three times in one week. so here i am to ponder and contemplate about it.

the card designates ‘self knowledge’ specifically. and i get that. i get that not only do i hide from the world, i hide from myself. i’m afraid i’m not as cool or smart or funny or thoughtful or interesting as i’d like to be. well, that ends… in the proverbial here & now. i can’t dislike myself any more than i have in the past. But i sure can like myself more, love myself more – as i’ve been directed (& minds out of the gutter, people !!! ).

People are complicated. Full of paradoxes, ticks, annoying & endearing qualities. And i’m a people, too! And it’s not like i don’t know this, but.. is it possible, if i pull out that knowledge, explore it, examine it, ponder it… that i just might find some compassion and maybe even ACCEPT it. AS IS even!

That has got to be my next step in the process of discovery, recovery and growth. There will be no grand metamorphosis if i continue to fight and punish my self. And i really want to push through the pupae stage. (Is it not ironic that the pupae is the ‘non-feeding’ stage? i find that slightly hilarious, considering. *smirks*)

pu·pa (pyoomacr.gifprime.gifpschwa.gif) n. pl. pu·pae (-pemacr.gif) or pu·pas

The nonfeeding stage between the larva and adult in the metamorphosis of holometabolous insects, during which the larva typically undergoes complete transformation within a protective cocoon or hardened case.

lar·va (lärprime.gifvschwa.gif)n. pl. lar·vae (-vemacr.gif) or lar·vas

1. The newly hatched, wingless, often wormlike form of many insects before metamorphosis.

2. The newly hatched, earliest stage of any of various animals that undergo metamorphosis, differing markedly in form and appearance from the adult.

well, at least i’m not a larva… i don’t think. 😛

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~ by ghyllee mahree on 2012/02/18.

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